Questions in Category: Condoms & Lube
I had sex with a guy and I was the top. I came inside him and the condom broke. Should I get PEP? This was anonymous sex and I don't know this man. How much does PEP cost?
If the condom broke then there is a risk of contracting HIV. While the risk is greatest for the bottom, it is still high-risk for the top because if the bottom has HIV it can be highly concentrated in the lining of his ass which can then enter the tip of your penis.
PEP is free under certain circumstances, for example if you know that the person you were having sex with is HIV positive. If you aren't sure about his status then you may have to pay. In either case, we recommend visitng your local sexual health clinic or the emergency department of your nearest hospital as soon as possible to find out about your options. For PEP to be effective it needs to be started as soon as possible and no later than 72 hours after exposure to HIV.
Is it all right if I have sex with a boy while I have a girlfriend to see what it is like?
It’s okay to have sex with a boy. Always use condoms in order to prevent contracting a sexually transmitted infection and spreading an STI to anyone else. It’s best to first talk to your girlfriend about having sex outside of the relationship so that you don’t hurt her feelings. You may find it useful to speak a bit more about sexuality. Give us a ring to talk about this further.
I had anal sex with somebody and I was on top. The condom broke during sex and says he does not have HIV. I did not ejaculate. I am concerned that I might be exposed to infection – is this true?
Condoms can get weakened and break if you use them after their use-by date or store them near a hear source, like a room heater or candle. This weakens the latex and there is more chance that the condoms will break during sex. Condoms need to be used with a water based lube. If they're used with an oil based lube like lotion or Vaseline, they will weaken and will be prone to breaking. Making sure that you are careful to store condoms and use them the right way is important.
If the person you were having sex with has HIV, it will be present in the mucous lining of their anus and HIV can enter your bloodstream through the eye of your penis or through small cuts on the skin. If your condom broke during sex and you're concerned that you could be exposed to HIV, then the only way to find out is getting yourself tested. You can book a free rapid test at any of the NZAF centers.
Where in New Zealand can I get free condoms?
Hi, You can get free condoms from the NZAF. Our Love Your Condom team can send them to you in an unmarked envelop free of charge.
I am looking for dental dams and cannot find them online at NZ sex-shops. Do you have any idea if there is an adult store in Christchurch which sells dental dams? Cheers!
Hi there, Family Planning sell dental dams for $3.95 each. You can either pop into the Christchurch branch of Family Planning at Level 1, 9 Washington Way, Christchurch 8142 or you can order them on their website.
Isn't it right that in New Zealand, undisclosed HIV status only becomes illegal if unprotected sex occurs? My friend says I'm wrong and I want to give them an accurate reference.
In 2005, a ground-breaking legal precedent in New Zealand was established as it recognised that the risk of HIV transmission is from not using condoms and not whether or not HIV status had been disclosed. So, it is not the known or unknown HIV status of a sexual partner that puts the other at risk of HIV transmission – it is whether or not condoms and lube are used. As per the precedence, the use of condoms discharged the legal duty on a person living with HIV to take ‘reasonable precautions’ to keep others safe from HIV transmission. 'Reasonable precautions' to avoid sexual transmission of HIV include only engaging in sexual activities that involve a very low or no risk of transmission (e.g. oral sex, masturbation and kissing, using condoms for anal and vaginal sex).
However, it is worth noting that while a person living with HIV may avoid legal liability if they inform their partner of their status (disclosure) before sex, the partner must give explicit consent. If consent is not given, or considered to be given under duress, the person living with HIV might still be liable for prosecution and conviction, where no condoms have been used, even if there is no transmission of the HIV virus. For example consent can be disputed if alcohol, drugs or fear are involved.
Both sexual partners share the responsibility for keeping themselves and each other safe from STIs. Relying on someone to disclose the fact that they are living with HIV is unwise, as not everyone living with HIV is aware of their status. Using condoms is the best way of protecting yourself and your sexual partner from HIV and STIs.
If you or anyone you know is worried about any sexual encounter, the NZAF provides free, confidential testing for HIV, syphilis and other STIs. You can contact the NZAF here, or by calling 0800 80 AIDS (2437).
I had sex with a prostitute (sex worker). She said she is healthy but I'm stressed. Can I get HIV?
The rates of HIV among sex workers in New Zealand are very low compared to other countries. The risk of getting HIV from having unprotected oral sex with any person, including sex workers, is very low. It's also very low risk if you've had anal or vaginal sex with a condom. If you didn't use a condom for anal or vaginal sex then the risk is higher and you should get tested.
Is it OK for me to not wear condoms with my partner?
Condoms and lube are still the best way to protect you from contracting or passing on HIV during sexual intercourse. This is because when used consistently and correctly during sex, latex acts as a barrier that HIV can’t pass through.
People do often wonder about stopping condom use once they are settled into a committed relationship. It’s great to feel so close and trusting in your relationship, but unfortunately even great partnerships can be challenged with temptation, or a spontaneous bad decision. It’s a good idea to be realistic about this and plan for it in advance – Have a serious talk about the ‘what ifs’. We advise that couples agree that if there is ANY sexual contact outside the relationship, it is condoms for everything. It may be a difficult conversation to have with your partner, but it’s an important one to have if you want to protect each other.
Getting good communication going is key to having a really great, long-lasting relationship – at the good times as well as the challenging ones. If you feel you want some more assistance with this you can access our free counselling service.