Friday 24th of June 2011 is a day I won’t soon forget. I was talking to this guy that I had sex with 4 months ago; we had used a condom so I hadn’t thought much of it since. Then he said that he had found out he was HIV positive. He blamed me for it. Immediately I was freaking out and worried. I had never been so stressed in my life and, without anyone knowing, I burst into tears. Immediately I told my friend who was HIV positive and he promised that he would take me to get tested on the Monday.

Throughout the weekend I had massive mood swings, going from depressed to worried to missing my ex boyfriend  to happy to have friends that were supportive of me. I only confided in my closest friends because I felt that if I told people that I might be HIV positive I could get some abuse. Of course my friends would never do that, but at times like these you just imagine the worst. The night before I got tested I was feeling quite shaken-up. I was so scared and nervous and didn’t know what to think. I was glad most of all that my friend who is HIV positive explained the testing process to me so I knew what to expect, and that he was coming along to support me. I did a lot of thinking that weekend. If I was HIV positive, at the end of the day, I had nobody to blame but myself.

Monday morning came around and I found it extremely hard to get up. In the waiting room at the clinic my hands were shaking; I’m glad my friend didn’t notice that. My heart was racing and I was very scared. When I went through, the nurse commented that my arm was very stiff. I hadn’t realised quite how tense I was. Waiting for the result was the longest and hardest moment of my life. I can’t describe how I felt when the nurse said my test was negative. This experience was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life and I hope I never have to go through it again. Before, I believed that becoming HIV positive would never happen to me.

As a result of this experience I am even more determined to share the importance of safe sex with others. On my Facebook page LGBT Youth against Abuse I want to make sure that everyone in my community is being safe and has knowledge on STIs and safe sexual practices. I will never be unsafe and I will always encourage others to be safe and to never put anyone else in danger. I will always use a condom when having sex. Always.